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The Final Recorded Elders Meeting CoC style

May 1, 2007
by

The final humorous parody for fun – don’t take it too seriously now.

Nothing happens before the following exchange takes place because this is the order of business for the evening.

Elder 1: Okay, it is time to put this to rest. It is simply building to fast for us to allow.

Elder2: What is it now? Did East Troas Parkway church of Christ repent of their ways after you sent them the letter?

Elder 1: Nothing. All I got was some kind of a letter about Judiazers or something. Well anyone can tell that we aren’t trying to Judiaze anyone, those rules were nailed to the cross you know.

Elder 3: Nailed to the cross is right, why else would we not find authority for instruments in worship?

Elder 1: Men we have plenty of meetings to discuss instruments in worship, in fact the rest of them will probably be filled with it, so let’s stay on task here.

What we need to do is discuss Paul. Ever since we confronted him about his conversion we have had nothing but trouble. We send out letters and our people go out to inform churches about the proper pattern and he calls them out.

I think we finally have what we need to put a stop to all of this, to get him properly disfellowshiped, to end all of this apostasy.

Elder 2: What is it?

Elder 1: Well it seems that he and Barnabas have been going around appointing elders. I have a brother who lives in Iconium and it seems that they appointed their elders.

Elder 3: In Iconium, is that the only town?

Elder 1: No, not just in Iconium, but he said that they did it in all the local congregations. The ones in Lystra, Antioch and Derbe. Everywhere they go they appoint elders. My brother has it from a very good source, he has a tent maker friend who works with Paul, and it is happening all over.

Elder 3: Goodness gracious, this is the last straw.

Elder 2: Where does Paul get the scriptural authority to appoint elders? I mean everyone knows we are only authorized to elect elders by church vote. Having someone appoint elders just isn’t part of the pattern.

Elder 1: Exactly men. It seems you understand what is taking place. Not only can we only elect elders but one must use the scripturally authorized check box list to determine if one is qualified.

Not only is Paul going around appointing elders but he is encouraging others to do the same. He has sent letters to both Timothy and Titus and instructed them in how to carry out the practice. He goes so far as to tell Titus that is the reason he left him on the island of Crete, to go around appointing elders. Can you believe it?

Not only does he have the nerve to instruct these men in an unscriptural way but he goes a step further and doesn’t give them identical lists. If we step past the fact that he is telling them to appoint elders, he doesn’t even give them the same approved check box list to go from. Does that not just show how far from the pattern Paul has transgressed?

Elder 3: Yes, there is only one scripturally authorized way to appoint elders and only one list to use, to do it another way would be to deviate from the pattern and to deviate from the authorized pattern means one is not in the one true church and everyone knows what that means.

Elder 2: No hope. Well it seems like it is time to print the journal, how is it coming?

Elder 1: We have it at the printing press, it is a fine quarterly production. We are calling it the Sword of the Spirit and each month it will attack these issues in the brotherhood head on.

Elder 2: So is the first issue about instruments?

Elder 3: Elder 2 have you not been listening? We bumped that back to issue number two, this elder appointing is the first issue. All the leading men of the church today are in it, no Paul or Peter for sure. Everyone knows that congregational vote is the approved way, the percentage one needs is an expedient left up to each church, but the way of appointing is set in stone.

Elder 1: Yes men and it hurts me to say, because I love these churches and desire to keep unity in the church, but this apostasy makes it impossible. If these men will repent of their ways only then can we have unity. Until that time we must officially withdraw fellowship from all of these churches and all of those ministers involved.

It will be a sad day at Jerusalem Drive church of Christ but we must choose God’s ways over men.

From this point no further records exist for the elder meetings at the Jerusalem Drive church of Christ.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. "a friend that stops by" permalink
    May 1, 2007 2:27 pm

    Does perpetuating truths that apply to less than half the congregations really help anything. I love you. and enjoy (and share in) your cynisism most times. Thank you for losing the second volume of “The Book of the Minutes.” oh and nice job on the “Drive” part it did bring me to comment yet again.

  2. May 1, 2007 2:37 pm

    I realized when I put these up that one would have been fine and some would be offended by continuing to stick a finger in this one but I had to bring the story arch to its finality.

    I also realized that since I no longer frequent this part of the world that it is easier for me to just see the humor of such an exchange while those who deal with the frustration may see it as excessive.

    The Drive was certainly nothing pointed, the only drive congregations I know don’t share this mentality. I thought about deleting them or not adding them but I in the end I wanted to see it through. If I have lost the final two blog readers that stop by I am okay with that and if I have offended a friend, which it seems I have, I hope we can get past this.

    I would hope that it is less than half and if that is true I would think many would enjoy the exchange because it speaks to something very true.

  3. May 1, 2007 3:57 pm

    not sure I would believe the “half” statistic. According the the Church of Christ Center for Church Growth a HUGE percentage of the congregations are less than 100 members. I would say that a huge percentage of those theologically and in practice are Against the same things. They don’t all produce “publications” and I am sure they are all filled with mostly well meaning people.

    You may have committed the sin of you can make fun of us if your one of us but if your not…well that’s offensive.

    I’m still reading.

  4. "a friend that stops by" permalink
    May 2, 2007 4:27 am

    love you darin

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