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The next elders meeting CoC style

April 28, 2007
by

A humorous parody for fun – don’t take it too seriously now.

Another Elders meeting in the church at Jerusalem, this moment taking place after the discussion that all churches needed to be identified only by the street they were located on. The concern had come because of a rumor that people were talking about the church that met in so and so’s home, the fear being that in saying the church met in someone’s home that people might think it was their church and everyone knows that is just wrong.

Elder 1: People must understand the authorized naming of a church. We must educate everyone that it is only acceptable to be identified by street address. Do they not understand why we are called the Jerusalem Drive church of Christ?

Keeping people thinking the right way can certainly be a tough task can’t it men? Anyway, let’s move on to the next item on the list, and I hate to even bring it up because it seems like we are always talking about the same things.

Elder 2: Do you mean instruments in worship?

Elder 1: No, no, no, not this week. No it is the five fingered plan and the assault that it seems to be taking amongst the brotherhood.

Elder 2: Yes the brotherhood, so what has happened?

Elder 3: Is this the one about Peter?

Elder 2: Peter? Don’t tell me he is no longer contending for the faith once delivered? This is just breaking my heart.

Elder 1: Well it seems that Peter was invited to a meeting at the home of some Gentiles, guy named Cornelius, everything was going well, clear example of hear and then things went crazy.

Elder 2: Crazy? What do you mean crazy?

Elder 1: well I guess they received the Holy Spirit…

Elder 2: You mean they were all given a Bible, what is crazy about that?

Elder 1: Anyway, when this happened Peter told them that they had received the Spirit just like him and then he told them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ.

Elder 3: I’m worried he may have confused them about the Holy Spirit, but still he just needed some clarity. What other problem could there be? I mean he did say for the forgiveness of sins didn’t he?

Elder 1: Well, that is why this is on the list for tonight’s meeting. Peter didn’t use the phrase, “baptized for the remission of sins.” In fact from what I understand in the message he actually said that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.

Elder 3: Are you kidding me? I always had Peter pegged as being doctrinally sound. I mean he is Simon “Acts 2:38” Peter for goodness sake. I mean he coined the phrase. Doesn’t he know it is essential for the efficiency of the baptism to have those words spoken and understood every time?

Gosh I mean he is the guy who set the pattern and yet he doesn’t follow his own pattern?

Elder 1: I hear ya, my first inclination was to send out a letter, you know something from the church here at Jerusalem Drive that would explain what had taken place with Peter and this guy Cornelius, but you know that since churches are scripturally suppose to be autonomous we can’t do that. Far be it for me to tell other churches and elders how to handle a situation, that just wouldn’t be scriptural.

Elder 3: Thanks for the reminder. We can’t write any kind of letter and send anyone out to make sure that we say for the remission of sin, it just can’t be done.

Elder 2: Maybe we could write a journal or publish some kind of church paper, maybe that would be a way to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

Elder 1: I will have to think about that, not sure we have an approved example for church paper or a command for journals. I think we should table this for our next meeting.

Elder 3:
I think that is a great idea though I am hearing some rumblings of the East Troas Parkway church of Christ…

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Jim Sexton permalink
    April 28, 2007 8:26 pm

    Wasn’t the letter to the Romans directed to the Coliseum Drive Church of Christ?

    Wait till this eldership hears what Paul and Barnabus are up to. They thought it was bad when Peter spent time teaching unwashed Gentiles, although I guess because it was Peter, they decided to give him a pass.

    Paul actually wants to TARGET those heathens!

    When did they move the Temple to Memphis anyway? I’m glad they did though, those guys are doing a real bang up job there on the Mississippi shore.

    Jimbo

  2. April 30, 2007 12:54 pm

    I bet there have been some conversations not too far off of that somewhere or another.

  3. April 30, 2007 3:22 pm

    I’ve been in some elders meets that sound just like that. 🙂 I pray that elders everywhere would become shepherds of the flock instead of CEO’s.

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