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The Conversion of Saul CoC Style

April 26, 2007

A humorous parody for fun – don’t take it too seriously now.

Elder meeting in the church at Jerusalem sometime after the discussion about the parking lot, we simply need more spaces marked for seniors and what about pregnant mothers…and the women’s bathroom, that toilet still isn’t working and who picked that color of paint…

Elder 1: On to further business. We have a new man who wants to declare membership today, he is calling himself Paul.

Elder 2: Paul, now wait a minute, isn’t this the same guy who was going by Saul a few weeks ago? What’s the story?

Elder 3: (You have to have more than three, hello, how else do you get a plurality for decisions?) It seems he has been going around telling every one of some road side experience, bright light and voices and all of that stuff.

Elder 2: Sounds charismatic if you ask me…

Elder 1: Bright lights and voices?

Elder 3: That’s right, bright lights and voices.

Elder 2: Is there an approved example of bright lights and voices? Something just doesn’t sound right about this, everyone knows you must hear the Word of God and hello, that is the Bible you know.

I was a lot more comfortable when that Ethiopian character, you know the Eunuch, though that still makes me uncomfortable – seems kind of Catholic if you ask me – anyway, at least he was reading scripture when Philip came upon him on the road. That gives us the clear hear.

Elder 1: I understand your concern. We have no finger for bright lights and voices from the sky.

Anyone here saved that way? I know for a fact that I did it the right way, thinking the right thoughts and I have photo evidence that all of my body parts went under the water. I’m a lot more comfortable with that then someone talking about noises and such, what if the kids hearabout that. Won’t they be confused?

Elder 1: What command do we have that someone will hear a voice and be blinded by bright lights?

Elder 2: Nobody said anything about blinded. Is he still blind?

Elder 3: No, he can see, seems it happened after being told he would be healed and filled with the Holy Spirit.

Elder 1: Now wait a minute, we are getting way off track on this. My goodness wasn’t it Ananias who was involved here? He has always been a little week on the five fingers. I have heard he doesn’t end every sermon with there recital. Clearly a liberal if you ask me.

He didn’t have the good sense to walk him through hear, believe, repent, confess, and be baptized for the remission of sins? Where is the HOLY SPIRIT even included?

Elder 2: It seems clear that we can’t be certain he was baptized for the right reasons so here is my suggestion, we re-baptize him after we have instructed him of the real way. I mean we have to get that voice of JEsus and bright light stuff out of his head before anything bad happens. This may take some time because he may have been confused by Ananias but it must be done.

Elder 3: Okay, it works for me and we still haven’t talked about the nursery furniture yet, but what if Paul thinks everything is okay since he heard a voice and everything?

Elder 1: That’s an easy answer, if he doesn’t agree with us his baptism will be void and he won’t be in the one true church and everyone knows what happens to everyone outside of the one true church.

Okay, now about that nursery furniture…

7 Comments leave one →
  1. April 26, 2007 7:45 pm

    Funny stuff Darin!

    It would be funnier if it were so true!

  2. April 26, 2007 7:45 pm

    Weren’t so true that is!

  3. April 26, 2007 8:11 pm


  4. falantedios permalink
    April 27, 2007 10:09 am


    You’re at it again!

    What are we going to do with you?

    What would we do without you?

    Forgive me for not coming by more often in recent weeks. You’re a good writer, and your background gives a texture to your ideas that should offer a corrective to other, less-experienced writers.

    Maybe if we went out and shocked some of our worst enemies by recruiting them for the Restoration of All Things, they might not be our enemies for very long, eh?

    Maybe if some brotherhood journals would spend more time looking for ways to be salt and light for the world rather than fighting off agendas that compete with theirs, we might get somewhere.

    in HIS love,

    in HIS love,

  5. a friend that stops by permalink
    April 27, 2007 2:34 pm

    For someone who claims to have left and moved on you sometimes seem stuck where you claim not to be.

  6. April 27, 2007 4:38 pm

    Friend that stops by,

    You can leave but you can never move on… plus it is just to much fun.

    Nick, are you saying you love me x2?

  7. April 28, 2007 9:01 am

    Friend of Darin’s – Even after the resurrection, Jesus bore the scars from those who wounded him in his ‘flesh and blood’ life.

    Darin – x2? Only x2? Oh, much more than that. I just stutter sometimes 🙂


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